Voice
"Not knowing for certain, but refusing to give way to those who claim certainty, was a privilege I had never allowed myself. My life was narrated for me by others. Their voices were forceful, emphatic, absolute. It had never occurred to me that my voice might be as strong as theirs." from Educated, a memoir, by Tara Westover
My reflection tonight is this: what is my voice?
My life is narrated by what?
My life is narrated by whom?
: an instrument or medium of expression
: wish, choice, or opinion openly or formally expressed"
Unlike Tara Westover, who had an epiphany of her lack of voice, her lack of narrative in her own life, I have always understood my ability for my own strength of voice and mind, but I don't know that I have truly stepped into the authentic narrative of that voice. There is a difference.
It has occurred to me that my voice might be strong, even as strong as others, but it has not been true for me that this gives me freedom in my life.
I guess what I feel is this: my voice might be clearer and purer and stronger if I didn't have to work a day job. Maybe if I wasn't a wife, and did not have to compromise, THEN my narrative would be less dictated by people outside of myself. To find my voice, do I need to abandon these roles of mine? Or do I feel a lack of stepping into my authentic voice because I'm not in the right profession, I'm not with the right partner, I'm not parenting true to myself?
I have the freedom to do life how I want, but all within confines. Confines of work, marriage and parenting. My voice is also softened with choosing not to hurt others. This choosing not to hurt is yet another box where my voice becomes dampened. My choice is to be with these people, to make daily compromises and get on the rat race of life so that these children can be comfortable. But in that, where do I find my authentic voice?
Tara Westover (Photo: Jude Edgington)
My reflection tonight is this: what is my voice?
My life is narrated by what?
My life is narrated by whom?
"voice
noun: wish, choice, or opinion openly or formally expressed"
Unlike Tara Westover, who had an epiphany of her lack of voice, her lack of narrative in her own life, I have always understood my ability for my own strength of voice and mind, but I don't know that I have truly stepped into the authentic narrative of that voice. There is a difference.
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| My dog Sunni has a voice: "this is bliss - woof!" |
It has occurred to me that my voice might be strong, even as strong as others, but it has not been true for me that this gives me freedom in my life.
I guess what I feel is this: my voice might be clearer and purer and stronger if I didn't have to work a day job. Maybe if I wasn't a wife, and did not have to compromise, THEN my narrative would be less dictated by people outside of myself. To find my voice, do I need to abandon these roles of mine? Or do I feel a lack of stepping into my authentic voice because I'm not in the right profession, I'm not with the right partner, I'm not parenting true to myself?
I have the freedom to do life how I want, but all within confines. Confines of work, marriage and parenting. My voice is also softened with choosing not to hurt others. This choosing not to hurt is yet another box where my voice becomes dampened. My choice is to be with these people, to make daily compromises and get on the rat race of life so that these children can be comfortable. But in that, where do I find my authentic voice?
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